I was a perfectly healthy twin, raised in a beautiful family, very hardworking and adventurous, creative and loving. Probably no one would believe me that I used to say way too often “I hate myself”, “I just want to die”, “I cannot anymore”, “I see no way out”. This was my life since I was 15 years of age and I strongly believed in that I cannot change my reality. I numbed my pain with alcohol and binges, I punished myself with eating disorders and suicidal attempts. I was running away from myself, knowing very well, that there is no place on this earth where I would feel at peace with myself. But I was a fighter and I promised myself that when I come out of this mental fog and find myself, heal myself and get that freedom I was always looking for, I would help to heal others. So here I am. I believe in each one of you.
I remember living always in the future, thinking when I do this, I be happy, when I be skinny, I be successful…My relationship choices were horrible, I had no boundaries and was physically and mentally abused. I was full of anger and frustration. I lost myself completely and had no identity apart from being an identical twin who was always compared to by others and myself. I felt like living in a very tight cage and I did not understand how life is so limited, so hard, so frustrating and what is the point anyway….Because even though I was always successful in my career and was an A student and excellent at piano playing and languages and other hobbies, I did not feel that joy on the inside. My happiness was always so conditional. I was dying inside. Until my path on self discovery and healing came to fruition.
I can tell it does not have to be like this. What you are inside, you project on the outside and when you heal yourself, your world just opens up, fears disappear, judgment diminishes, you are so free from those scary thoughts, that criticism and everything that used to make you feel guilty, sad and shameful. I used to be running away from the word “Love”, I hated this word….But now I know that where there is resistance, this is exactly what you need.
I want to help you to rewrite your story because you are everything in this world that matters and you matter to me.
I see you, I hear you and I am here for you.
Love you much,